Dear Humans,

My pantry is always a mess. I’ve bought and given away many canisters, wire racks, and baskets to try to fix it, but they never help. It’s because I can’t decide on a spot for everything. So I just put things back wherever I feel like they should go on a certain day.

But it’s hard to organize a pantry because I’m not sure what should go next to what. Should I put my rice on the same shelf as the pasta or should I keep it next to the dry beans? It seems like pasta and rice should go together, but rice also seems to go with beans. And what about fruit? Should I put the fruit cocktail next to the raisins and cranberries? Or should it go next to the creamed corn and kidney beans?

Making sense of the world is a complex ontological nightmare. And the pantry is only the start of it.

Sincerely,

Mr. Heimbuck