Dear Humans,

My wife bought cat claw caps the other day at the pet store. A package had two sets–one pink and one black. So she put the pink ones on the girl cat and the black ones on the boy cat.

Which is kind of weird because I can never remember which one’s a boy cat and which one’s a girl cat, and I spend approximately 0% of my time thinking about our cats as boys or girls. I just call them cats.

Life often hands us a script to read and expects us to say certain things and act a certain way. Sometimes it’s helpful; but sometimes the best moments in life are when we make up our own lines.

Sincerely,

Mr. Heimbuck