Dear Humans,

Sometimes I don’t take out the garbage as soon as I should, and I tell my wife that I forgot. But I’ve never once in my entire life forgotten to take out the garbage. Garbage stinks. And garbage piles up. And garbage sits there in the corner and stares at you with its banana peel and coffee grounds eyes. It’s impossible to forget to take out the garbage.

The truth is I was lazy. The truth is I was doing something else. The truth is I got distracted by playing my guitar and, when I came back, the garbage had somehow grown and festered and stunk up the entire house. So I say I forgot. But what I mean is that I didn’t do it when I should have.

Sincerely,

Mr. Heimbuck